Devils Beatitudes
Blessed are they who are too tired and busy to assemble with
the church on Sunday; for they are my best workers.
Blessed are they who are bored with the minister's manner-isms
and mistakes; for they get nothing out of the sermon.
Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own
church; for he is important to me.
Blessed are they who do not meet with the church on Sunday; for
they cause the world to say, "The church is failing."
Blessed are they who are easily offended; for they get angry and
quit.
Blessed are they who do not give to carry on God's work and
missions; for they are my helpers.
Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother;
for he will be with me forever.
Blessed are the trouble-makers; for they shall be called the
children of the devil.
Blessed is he who has not time to pray; for he shall be easy prey
for me.